Cinemadness!
by Setsumi-san
Summary: Lily needs a guy to pay for a movie ticket and Horohoro needs to prove he can kiss a girl by the end of the night. Can these two help each other out somehow or will this date turn disastrous? HorohoroxLily


**Cinemadness!**

A Horohoro/Lily oneshot by Setsumi-san

**Disclaimer: The great Hiroyuki Takei created Shaman King and the equally great H.P. Lovecraft wrote "Herbert West: Reanimator." I'm basically playing dolls with the characters. I do not, never have planned, and never will plan to make any money off this fanfic.**

**Dedication: Five seas**

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**Quotable Quotes: **"It's like something out of H.P. Lovecraft…only gay!"-Yami Yugi, Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series.

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And now, the writer will stop drooling over Minamoto no Yorihisa long enough to host…

**The 4th Wall**

"Hey! I never said I would stop drooling over Yori-chan! Get away from my computer, Boroboro!" I shout.

"A: It's Horohoro, and B: This is for Five seas, so you better get to work!" the Ainu shouts back.

"Oh, _I _get it. You just wanna see Lily."

"EHHH?! SHUT UP!! I-I do NOT!!"

"OW! MY HAIR! LEGGO, YOU LITTLE DOUCHEBAG!!"

"TAKE IT BACK OR I BURN THAT YORIHISA SHRINE THAT YOU MADE OUT OF POPSICLE STICKS IN YOUR CLOSET!!"

"OKAY, _OKAY!! I take it back! _Ay-yi-yi….I hope you enjoy your Horo/Lily, Five seas."

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Kororo liked Patch Village even though it wasn't as cool or green as her natural habitat. Humans had destroyed many fuki fields, including her own, so she hadn't found a place with such a pure and undisturbed atmosphere in ages…even if her idea of an undisturbed atmosphere these days was a day when her partner didn't gulp down one of his teammates' pork buns in one bite and fart in his face afterward or raise his other one up a flagpole just because he told a bad joke. No, today Horohoro had just stuck with the former. Now he was laughing his butt off and zipping rambunctiously around the cabin.

"Come back here you no good bun thief! When I catch you the only thing on a platter will be your _head!_" Ren bellowed, chasing him.

Horohoro blew a raspberry and used a wall as a ramp to run onto the ceiling. Miraculously, gravity seemed to have no effect on him as he stood there and made monkey like faces.

"Hey! How did you do that, you bastard?!" Ren shouted.

"It's called being a cartoon. Deal with it," he replied.

Somewhere an anime elitist pulled their hair in rage at the writer for calling an anime character a cartoon. At any rate, Ren was ready to get his pork bun back even if it meant cutting the jackass's stomach open. He smirked and seemed to disappear into a blur.

"Huh? Ren? Where'd you go?" Horohoro asked nervously.

Suddenly, the bluenette was slapped off of the ceiling by a huge raw fish. Ren had also managed to get upside down on the ceiling with a marlin in his hand. The Chinese boy laughed with haughty triumph.

"Where'd you get _that _thing?!" Horohoro questioned incredulously.

"It's called hammerspace. Deal with it," he said.

Horohoro growled and shook his fist.

"You see Horohoro," Ren taunted, "This is why you will never get a girlfriend. You're spacey, crude, and sing such cheesy love songs that they make your mother scream."

"One: I can _so _get a girlfriend, and B: That last thing applies to Celine Dion, not me!" he snapped.

"Oh? Prove you're such a Casanova, then."

"I'll bet you I can, um, get my first kiss by tonight!"

"That's fine by me, but if you lose you have to make me pork buns for the rest of the week."

"You're on, shark head! Watch the love master at work!"

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Lily sighed as she stood in front of the small Patch Movie Theater. They were having a cult classic film festival, but one ticket cost fifteen dollars. It was too bad because she wanted to see Herbert West: Re-Animator. Leave it to the locals to suck a wallet dry!

Lily had always been a cultured bibliophile, and she wondered how Hollywood would have treated one of her favorite short horror stories. She loved horror books best because she had first hand experience with ghosts, witches, and demons. Of course, no one had believed her before she met the Lily Five, so books became one of her few comforts. Now her afternoon was ruined all because she was broke.

Out of nowhere, she heard a guy whining to some random girl to go out with him. Much to her surprise, it was Yoh Asakura's snowboarding friend. The girl shrieked and used some pepper spray on the poor guy. Now, a Lily Five girl would usually never help anybody…unless it was beneficial to _her._ She smirked and walked over to the boy who was writhing in pain like a cobra.

"I couldn't help but overhear that you wanted a date," she said slyly.

"Towel! I need a wet toweeel!" Horohoro moaned.

He blindly groped the air and accidentally buried his face in her boobs. She blushed from head to toe and fought the urge to send her hamster spirit up his butt. Did she _feel _like a towel to him?! Pervert!

Horohoro sighed in relief as his vision returned and then gulped audibly when he realized what he'd done. Oh crap! She'd probably call the cops or something!

"Oh geez! I-I didn't know you were, uh, I mean… Pl-Please don't kill me!" he begged.

The brown/blue eyed girl forced a smile and replied, "It's all right. As I was saying, if you want a date then _I'll _be glad to go out with you."

"Huh? Really? Why?" he asked incredulously.

"Because I'm bro- Er, I mean…I-I've just broken up with a total **JERK** and I need someone to show me that there are still some good men out there! **BOO-HOO-HOO!!**"

"All right then! I, Horohoro the Ainu, will show you just how cool I am! Wanna see a movie or something?"

"That's just what I had in mind. Let's go see the scariest one playing."

Horohoro smiled. A girl who liked horror movies? This was turning out to be a great date already! They started to get in the ticket line…only to nearly be crushed by a throng of geeks dressed in Star Wars and Rocky Horror Picture Show costumes. It now wound all the way around the block.

"Great," Lily groaned.

"Don't worry," said her date, "I'm sure that the service will be fast because they know that these people want to get in twice as badly as a regular crowd. I bet we're inside in ten minutes."

Seven hours later the couple had fallen asleep on their feet.

"Zzzzzz…Wha? Wake up, we're next!" she exclaimed.

He sprang to attention like a marine. At last! All they had to do was wait for a guy in a wheelchair to buy his ticket and he would be on his way to make out city! Ren would be eating his words for sure!

"Umm…let's see…I _think_ I can pay. Do you guys take Canadian pennies?" the cripple asked.

The snowboarding shaman slapped his forehead. Of all the nerve!

He tapped the man on the shoulder and asked, "Hey, do you think my date and I could cut in front of you? I mean, we're the last three people in line and it'll only take a second for me to pay."

"No, and I intend to use my handicap as an excuse to be a complete asshole. I don't let guys with girly short-shorts or ugly bitches run my life," he replied.

"Nobody insults **MY** shorts! Take **THIS!!**" he shouted, shoving the guy down the street at a hundred miles an hour.

"Gosh, do you think you should have done that?" Lily asked.

"Eh, the sand will get deep enough to stop him eventually," he answered.

"No, I was talking about your comeback. You could have said something wittier before you shoved him away."

"Oh."

"Still…it was really cool how you stood up for yourself. You're as strong as an ox."

She blushed when she realized how flirtatious she sounded. Eek! Where did that come from? It wasn't like she really _liked_ this boy…right?

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The inside of the theater was small yet pleasantly cool with a nostalgic atmosphere. Black and white pictures of legends like Mae West, John Wayne, and Hattie McDaniel decorated the walls and a little snack bar was next to the ticket line. The Ainu bought two of everything on the menu and some popcorn and a Coke for his companion. However, it was even more astounding that he produced a wheelbarrow from his pocket to carry everything. When she asked him about he said that he always had one just in case a truck of food spilled on a highway.

"It'll be four to your left. Enjoy the show," the ticket taker told them.

"Uh-oh, we only have one minute before it begins," the brainiac remarked nervously.

Her date's eyes gleamed determinedly and he replied, "We'll still be able to get the best seats in the house. Just leave everything to me!"

_What does he mean by that?_ she wondered.

Before she could speculate any further he plopped her into the wheelbarrow and made Kororo ice the entire floor. She screamed bloody murder as they slid down the hall like a dog on freshly waxed kitchen tiles. Popcorn, Skittles, and soda rained into her face. She was supposed to die warm in her bed as the beloved Shaman Queen, not in a stupid movie theater!

"Heeerrreee weee goooo!" Horohoro shouted as they miraculously slid into the theater and landed perfectly in two seats.

"Towel! I need a wet towel to clean up my barf!" she moaned.

The woman behind her snapped, "Shhh! We're trying to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail!"

Lily glared at a sheepish Horohoro.

"Whoops! Wrong theater," he chuckled.

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"Look, I'm really sorry," the Ainu insisted when they finally found the correct place.

She snorted and he sighed. He honestly thought she'd be impressed by his resourcefulness. Girls liked guys who used their noodle, right? Maybe he _was_ destined to remain a lone wolf.

No! He couldn't think like that! If he could face Shaman Fight opponents fearlessly, then a date should be a piece of cake. He'd just have to make it up to her somehow.

"Tell you what," he offered, "I'll pay for your dry cleaning later. How's that?"

"You'd really do that?" she questioned.

"Sure! I'm a man of my word."

"Well…okay. You _did_ scare me, but I accept your apology. Thank you."

"Woohoo! Now let's go get the pants scared off of us!"

Lily had to smile. He was loud and hyper, yet charmingly enthusiastic. Plus… he seemed to enjoy her company. Could it be true? Was a guy genuinely interested in a nerd like her for once?

Her heart fluttered like a butterfly's wings as he took her hand and they went inside. The previews had just started, so it looked like there had been nothing to worry about. Then they noticed there was only one seat left.

"You take it," he whispered.

"I'll be fine. You take it," she replied.

"No way, a guy never lets a girl be uncomfortable. I'll just stand in the back or something. Unless…uh…"

"Unless what?"

"Unless you wanna s-sit on my lap or something."

"W-Well, I _guess _that could work. I mean, n-neither of us want to stand, right?"

"Right. Um…okay, then."

They settled down in their seat together and prayed neither felt the other's heart, or in Horo's case, a much _lower _body part throbbing. What had he been thinking? The most intimate thing he'd ever done with a girl was hugging his sister, and that didn't exactly count as romantic experience. He tried in vain to concentrate on the preview for **Ass Whooper Four: This Time We're Milking It.** Crap!

"What's poking me?" Lily whispered.

He gulped audibly and stammered, "Uh, that's the T-Twizzlers in my pocket. Y-Yeah. Twizzlers."

Oh, how was he ever going to work up the nerve to steal a kiss now? Wait…this was a horror movie. All he had to do was wait for her to get scared silly and then he'd "comfort" her with a little thing called first base. This was a Godsend!

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An hour later Lily felt nauseous, but it wasn't from too much popcorn. Watching this movie was like swallowing a cactus whole. It was horribly campy and nothing like Lovecraft's wonderfully spooky tale of zombies and mad scientists. Since when had the main character have a girlfriend or a dead cat been resurrected? Blech.

Inversely, Horohoro was ankle deep in fingernail clippings he'd bitten off. This was scarier than Pillica and Anna on their periods together! He hated zombies!

_No way,_ he thought_, I gotta look manly for her! Just remember that they aren't real. They aren't real; they aren't real; they aren't-_

Suddenly, a grotesque zombie burst through the laboratory door onscreen. He shrieked, involuntarily snaked his arms around her, and caught his hand on her bra strap. She screamed like a banshee and slapped him so hard that he flew through the back wall. The nerve of that guy!

_I should have known better. Men are all the same! He just wanted me to give him some,_ the Lily Five girl seethed as she stormed out of the cinema.

He caught up to her and shouted, "Lily, wait!"

"Go away, you pervert! How could you use me like that?" she said angrily.

"I didn't want sex! I just wanted to win a bet that I could get my first kiss tonight!" he blurted.

"So I'm just something to _gamble_ on? That's even worse! I wish I'd never suckered you into paying for my ticket!"

"Oh-ho-ho! NOW who's the evil one?"

"Er, wait! I didn't mean-"

"Don't deny it! I should've known. Women never do something without wanting something a zillion times better in return."

"One: What you did was much worse. Two: The only women who do that are my teammates. Three: I bet you stink at kissing anyway!"

"Oh yeah?! We'll see about that!"

Then, oh wonder, he passionately grabbed her and kissed her with all his might. It was clumsy and unsure at first, but then their lips pressed and plucked like two rose petals rubbing against each other. The brainiac's knees turned to rubber and she moaned into his mouth. When they finally parted they were both flushed and panting.

"Y'know," Horohoro said flirtatiously, "you're gonna have to make up for using to me like that. You might just have to go out with me again."

Lily smirked. Now _that_ was a punishment she could live with.

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**Fin.**


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